if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
