Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
