It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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