Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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