He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
