I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
