I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
