it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
two words: eviction party
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
