5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
