Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
