I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
