my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
