So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
