God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
