I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
