I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Someone shit on the floor
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
