i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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