I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
