Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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