i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
