Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
