I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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