My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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