some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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