nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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