but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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