So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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