Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
