new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
