Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
