The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
