Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
