There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
