I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
