My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
