So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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