ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
