I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
