maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
should my penis look like a turkey
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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