i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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