Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
