i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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