you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
