Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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