He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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