I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
