I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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