i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize