Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
