Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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